1. Husband’s Emotional Engagement – Women married to men who make an effort to listen to them, who express affection or appreciation on a regular basis and who share quality time on a regular basis (date night, frequent conversation on mutual interests are happiest.
2. Fairness – Women who feel that housework and other family responsibilities are fairly divided appear happier.
3. A Breadwinning Husband – American wives, even feminists, are typically happier when their husbands earn 68% or more of the household income. Husbands who are successful breadwinners probably give wives an opportunity to make choices about work and family.
4. A Commitment to Marriage – Wives who share a strong commitment to their husbands and to the lifelong marriage paradigm are happier. Shared commitment generates a sense of trust, emotional security and a willingness to sacrifice for one’s spouse.
5. Staying Home – Wives who stay home rather than work outside the home appear to be happier. Study finds that working women are less likely to spend quality time with their husbands.
6. Shared Religious Attendance – Wives who attend church or some other worship service with their husbands are happier than those who do not.
7. Traditional Gender Attitudes – Wives who hold more traditional gender attitudes, e.g., believe that wives should focus on nurturing/homemaking and husbands should focus on breadwinning. These women are happier than those who hold more feminist attitudes.
Study by W. Bradford Wilcox, Director, National Marrige Project at the Univ. of VA.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
New to Marriage - Sleeping Alone
When I was young, I could not understand why my parents slept in a small double bed. It’s not that they were so big, but my mom used to complain that she could never get a good night’s sleep with him getting in and out of bed to urinate. Thus, as they aged and moved, my mom decided it was high time to get twin beds and that’s exactly what they did.
Believe it or not, today’s married couples are going one step further……they are sleeping in separate bedrooms (NYT 7/23/10). Nearly one in four American couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds as reported by the National Sleep Foundation in a 2005 survey. The National Association of Home Builders expects 60% of custom homes will have dual master bedrooms by 2015. Even Hollywood celebrities like Mr. and Mrs. Jonas (Kevin Jonas of the Jonas Brothers), who recently wed, sleep separately as Kevin is known to be a freight train snorer.
Those that sleep separately cite a bunch of reasons for their habit, including sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, one mate’s desire for TV watching late into the night, etc. A sleep specialist said that in the last decade, people are making their own sleep a priority. Therefore, if their rest is being impaired by a mate, the attitude is that they will not put up with it.
With the advent of technology and those folks obsessed with their Blackberries, one can see how the bedroom is not the sanctuary that it once was anyway. In an age where partners no longer eat together, pray together or exercise together, sleeping together may be the last evidence of togetherness in relationships. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Even the loudest snorers can be quieted!
On the other side of the coin (or bed), a psychiatry professor interviewed 42 couples for his book, “Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing.” He came to some interesting observations:
• Co-sleeping is better for your health
• Co-sleeping is better for your sex life
• Co-sleeping is better for your security
To enhance co-sleeping one should dignify the American bed by:
• Make it. It takes less than a minute and makes you feel good all day.
• Declutter it. Feng shui masters say that adjusting the environs around the bed can bring couples closer together. Clean off those nightstands piled high with dusty books and catalogs.
• Sanctify it. Sleep specialists say that those who pray before they go to bed are more likely to get a good night’s sleep. Any ritual will do such as meditating, reading a poem or keeping a journal.
• Choreograph it. Most couples sleep best with their backs together, facing away from each other. Flexed knees and bad breathe may be the best reasons for this, but adjust your strategy as best suits each person.
Let’s not let marital bed become two beds or worse, a bed in two rooms.
Believe it or not, today’s married couples are going one step further……they are sleeping in separate bedrooms (NYT 7/23/10). Nearly one in four American couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds as reported by the National Sleep Foundation in a 2005 survey. The National Association of Home Builders expects 60% of custom homes will have dual master bedrooms by 2015. Even Hollywood celebrities like Mr. and Mrs. Jonas (Kevin Jonas of the Jonas Brothers), who recently wed, sleep separately as Kevin is known to be a freight train snorer.
Those that sleep separately cite a bunch of reasons for their habit, including sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, one mate’s desire for TV watching late into the night, etc. A sleep specialist said that in the last decade, people are making their own sleep a priority. Therefore, if their rest is being impaired by a mate, the attitude is that they will not put up with it.
With the advent of technology and those folks obsessed with their Blackberries, one can see how the bedroom is not the sanctuary that it once was anyway. In an age where partners no longer eat together, pray together or exercise together, sleeping together may be the last evidence of togetherness in relationships. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Even the loudest snorers can be quieted!
On the other side of the coin (or bed), a psychiatry professor interviewed 42 couples for his book, “Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing.” He came to some interesting observations:
• Co-sleeping is better for your health
• Co-sleeping is better for your sex life
• Co-sleeping is better for your security
To enhance co-sleeping one should dignify the American bed by:
• Make it. It takes less than a minute and makes you feel good all day.
• Declutter it. Feng shui masters say that adjusting the environs around the bed can bring couples closer together. Clean off those nightstands piled high with dusty books and catalogs.
• Sanctify it. Sleep specialists say that those who pray before they go to bed are more likely to get a good night’s sleep. Any ritual will do such as meditating, reading a poem or keeping a journal.
• Choreograph it. Most couples sleep best with their backs together, facing away from each other. Flexed knees and bad breathe may be the best reasons for this, but adjust your strategy as best suits each person.
Let’s not let marital bed become two beds or worse, a bed in two rooms.
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