Gray Divorce - continued.......

After writing my blog last night and having much trouble with my computer, I decided to add my own "take" today on why I think there is an abundance of folks over 50 divorcing. My comments are not scientific or from written data; they are from my keen observance and sense of humor!

I have many friends who have been married over 35 years and many are over 50 and even over 60. Most, when asked if they would marry the same man again, say YES. However, when I was asked, I said NO. I have been married almost 47 years and am over 60. I have nothing at all against marriage, including my own. But, I am a realist. When I married, I had just turned 19. What did I know about life and what expectations did I have about the future? Plus, like most women I know, time brings change.

I have changed in so many ways since 19. To most, I would be hardly recognizable. To the good man I married, I am grateful for his tolerance and acceptance. Yet, knowing what I know how about life, I would probably not marry him today. This has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with me. However, I love my husband now much differently than I did at 19.

Thus, when I read about the graying of divorce, I understand the reasons given by professionals as to why this is happening. I also recognize that the reasons below might play into women's decisions to call it quits:

1. Tired of talking and repeating ourselves
2. Intolerant of sharing the remote control
3. Worn out doing the laundry and turning things right side out
4. Realization that getting information about anything is our responsibility
5. Bored with sex and in some cases, waiting for ED drugs to kick in
6. Disgusted with asking driving directions
7. Fed up with being the social director
8. Annoyed with having to be the lead communicator

Add the list above to the "real" list and you can really see why "commitment" and "hard work" are required to stay married over 50.

Gray Divorce

In 1990, one of ten people getting divorced were over 50. Generally, we have seen Iothe divorce rates decreasing except for the over 50 crowd--hence the term ”gray divorce”. In fact, one in four couples over 50 are getting divorced and according to Professor Brown of Bowling Green State University, research shows that 600,000 people over 50 sought divorce in 2009.


One can only speculate why boomers are divorcing in such numbers. Perhaps one of the following may be a factor:


1. Longer life with an incompatible mate
2. No kids at home to stay together for
3. More working women who are financially stable, and
4. Less stigma regarding divorce


Interestingly enough, it is the women that initiates the divorce. Jay Lebow, a pschologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University, says ”if late life divorce were a disease, it would be an epidemic.” Many boomers will go into old age unmarried.


This is so foreign to the generation of my parents. They definitely stayed married for the children......never mind that the dysfunctional relationship caused much angst for the kids. My mother never worked so how was she going to leave the marriage? She was completely dependent on your husband both emotionally and financially. And growing up, I didn't even have a friend whose parents were divorced.


What happened to commitment? What good things come to you without hard work? Maybe my contemporaries are just plain tired of both commitment and hard work. They want to be part of the ”me” generation that their kids know all too well.

As for me, it seems as though I only have questions but no real answers. What do you think?


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Why are boomers now seeking divorce? One can only specl