Another One Bites the Dust

Wasn't it just a few weeks ago when we were watching the Academy Awards and Sandra Bullock won for best actress? She kissed her husband (Jesse James) before she walked on stage and in addition to thanking her deceased mother, she thanked her beloved husband for his support. The camera panned the audience for us to see her beloved spouse Jesse smiling so lovingly.

Fast forward to about one week later when a slimy, tatooed female came forward to say that he has been Jesse's lover for 11 months. While Sandra was filming The Blind Side on location, bad boy Jesse was screwing another woman. Poor Sandra waited years to find the right person to marry and as I understand it, she was even mom-like to Jesse's kid from his former wife.

Today, I heard on the radio that yet another whore is coming forward to say that she too slept with Jesse. Speculation is abound that Sandra is looking for a divorce attorney, but those close to her deny it. What's a woman to do in this situation? While she is totally humiliated, should she throw in the towel on this loser. Supposedly, Jesse has apologized for his wrong doings. Shades of Tiger Woods no doubt--another sex addicted man!!

About the same time as I was hearing the news on the radio about a second mistress, I was reading a study on marriages that were on the brink of divorce but for one reason or another did not go through with it. Guess what? All those that didn't get divorced, were much happier five years later. Their relationships were stronger just for weathering out the storm.

That made me really think about Sandra Bullock and wondered if their marriage had a chance to be successful five years down the road if she sticks with him. Part of me says that perhaps infidelity like that along with the public humiliation could be forgiven with time and extensive counseling but most of me says, give Jesse the boot. Does a beautiful, intelligent and rich lady such as Sandra need to be bothered trying to make a "real" man out of piece of crap. I wouldn't bother, would you? I just hope her heart heals quickly.

Do you know your spouse?

After years dating, living together and even being married, you would think that you "know" your partner pretty well, right? Why is it then, that a spouse may be shocked to discover that the mate has a "secret" obsession, or is engaging in some surprise behavior. Why is it too that after being married for 30+ years, you are stunned one day when your partner says he doesn't love you anymore and wants to move out?

When I was in undergraduate school, I wrote a paper entitled, "You Never Really Know Anyone Completely." After being married over 44 years, I really believe that my premise is true. I believe that there are things that I don't know about my husband and perhaps never will know. And, I am not sure I want to know everything either. Human beings are entitled to keep certain thoughts and feelings to themselves--and no matter how long you have been with a partner, some of these things may not be your business.

If thoughts and feelings are not shared, is that good? Well, that is up for debate. If thoughts are causing havoc or angst in a relationship, then sharing them may be the right course of action. If not, perhaps they should be left alone. If values are at stake, then sharing thoughts and feelings are important. Thus, if a partner is feeling estranged, it's necessary to be an open book. Otherwise, is it not fair.

Some young folks think that their partner should "never" keep any secrets. Sometimes, this faulty thinking causes too much prodding and poking and in itself may cause a bridge between partners. Just as some things are better left unsaid, so it is with thoughts and feelings--unless they will have a negative impact on the relationship.

Truth does have a place in a relationship as does honesty. It is just knowing the right time and place and realizing that you never know anyone completely.