Secrets to a Good Marriage

Authors Markman, Stanley and Blumberg have just released their updated book, “Fighting for your Marriage.” Marriage communication, conflict management and negotiation skills are more important than ever in these different marital times. If you think the hard part of marriage is over when you walk down the aisle, think again. Results from a longitudinal study begun in 1996 predicting divorce, showed anxieties about financial pressures, depression, job loss, technology and anxieties about war and terrorism pulling marriages apart.

Even though almost 20% of couples who wed met online, the internet can raise havoc in a marriage when a partner gets addicted to pornography sites, excessively uses the cell phone to call and text and visits dating sites (that encourage cheating). Fighting over time spent on facebook or questions about the correctness of sending a text during a romantic evening out or bringing a laptop on a vacation is now commonplace.

“5 Simple Steps to Take your Marriage from Good to Great” by Markham and Orbuch is a good place to get some marital hints. They seem simple and logical, don’t they? [I know that there are more than 5, but who’s counting?]

 Do Sweat the Small Stuff – Everyday annoyances that accumulate over time lead to unhappiness and divorce.
 Know When to Hold Them – Talk about important issues when both partners are calm and not irritated.
 Maintain Passionate Sex – Fuel the passion in your relationship by trying new and novel shared experiences that surprise and increase adrenaline.
 One Minute Rule – Spend at least one minute each day talking about anything but work, family or the state of the relationship (think about value driven, open questions).
 Give Men the Affection They Crave – Affective affirmation, compliments and encourage are needed from wives. Women need it to but can get it from others sources such as their mothers, sisters, best friends and even strangers make positive comments about their hair, clothing etc.
Not so much for men.
 Don’t Live Together Unless You Are Planning a Future Together –People who lived together without any commitment to marry are 25% more likely to get divorced once they did marry. Accumulating things together, including children, cause couples to marriage out of pressure.