Back Off For Better Results

Sorry, I haven't written in some time, but I hope to get more diligent in the future!

I know I've mentioned somewhere in previous blogs that if you think marriage is a 50/50 thing, keep dreaming. In a marriage typically one person is the "doer" and the other mostly takes or rejects what the "doer" has to say. For example, if you are the one in a marriage who always remembers important events like birthdays, anniversaries, etc., then you are the one who always gets the cards or gifts and always sees to it that they are mailed or given out to the appropriate parties on time. Your partner has willingly given you this task and you've done a good job at it.
Therefore, why in the world should the other care about this task? He or she wouldn't.

What if you were the mediator in your marriage between your spouse and a child perhaps? Every time your child would come to you to complain about treatment from your spouse, you would talk to the child and then talk to the offending spouse about resolving the issue with the child. Since, you have done a great job at this task also, why should anything change even if you have grown tired of the role and would like to change it?

In order to effect change in a relationship, something different needs to be done. If you've always sent out the cards and gifts for occasions, just stop. If you've been the mediator between mom/dad and child, stop. Allow the other spouse a chance to pick up on the task and work it out for themselves. It will be like having them look into the mirror for the first time and really see themselves--shortcomings and all.

Usually, the spouse who may be living in a dream world will rise to the occasion all by their lonesome; on other occasions, if nothing else it is a wake up call to become involved in other activities within the household.

It may be hard for you to give up the fix it, find it, cure it, attend to it role, but in the end it will be worth it. Giving up control, particularly if you are a control freak is difficult, but it will benefit your marriage and relieve needless stress on yourself.