Marriage and Monogamy

I couldn't really speak about marriage without addressing "monogramy" could I? In the past week, I learned that 3 young couples, one with a baby as young as 18 mos. are calling it quits. In two cases, the men wanted out and in one, the woman did. In one case, the man wanted to live for another woman he met at work. The woman said she wanted to "find herself" and I am not sure about the other man.

Marriage can be a transient relationship. Mates can always come and go. And, I do believe that there are many people out there that you can be attracted to so there is no one person for every human.

Frankly, if two people can marriage and want to ditch the relationship, I say "go for it. " However, if there are children, I say "stop and think" and then "think some more." Staying for the children is not a good idea, but staying because you made a commitment to each other is. Hopefully, there was something that drew you to your partner. Even if it was only hormones!!

Remember what it was that you found so loving and endearing about your mate. Was it their laugh, their smile, their empathy, or was it just the fact that they loved you enough to say "I do?
Even though I am a counselor by education, I tell couples not to rush for therapy right away. Try to talk and make special time to express and understand each other's needs in the relationship. What need is no longer being met? What words have been said in a fight that one needs a sincere apology for? Who's being neglected or taken for granted?

The reason I don't advocate seeking counseling right away is that unless you are each seen separately for a while before you begin couples therapy (this method I believe is best), marriage counseling is a time for each person to address the negative qualities of the partner. It's a "she said, he said" kind of activity that usually results in having your dirty laundry aired in front of a third party and the offender is going to be even more offended.

Marriage, as in life, has its ups and downs. Marriage requires work and there is no way around it. If you work hard in your job, you are usually happier and more successful. The same is true of marriage.