In Sickness and in Health

Most marriage vows include something like "in sickness and in health." Few folks standing at the altar on their wedding day realize the magnitude of these words. Sure, they sound nice and certainly sound like the right thing to say, but how many really look at their partner and imagine what it would be like to have to take care of that partner in the event of their illness, serious or not.

A marriage is definitely "tested" by illness. Many marriages do not survive when one partner becomes seriously ill. The burden of caring for such a partner and dealing with the emotional and physical ups and downs just proves too much to handle. Similarly this happens when a child is seriously ill and also when a child dies. The stress of this situation very often causes the death of the marriage.

Thank goodness that in my 43 years of marriage, we have not been tested in that way although it doesn't preclude that we will go the rest of our lives without this issue. It's just a fact of life and things happen and you deal with them one day at a time--the best you can. Nontheless, what got me to think of this topic is because I am been ill the past few days with the mundane, yet painful urinary tract infection. I've been feeling lousy and have been passing on those vibes to my dear spouse--who has been trying to cope. He's not used to seeing me in bed and wants to assist, but really doesn't know how. To be honest, he's not the most nurturing of sorts (genetics, no doubt), but he has learned certain things from me about "being there for others when they are in need."

When he has been ill, my role as nurse immediately kicks in. That, plus my inherited role as mother, nuturer and counselor goes to work. No one has to tell me to provide whatever I can to make my spouse more confortable. It's just who I am.....in sickness and in health.

Thus, my suggestion to those beginning a relationship.......check out how your partner will react to you in times of stress, illness and frustration. Are they loving, caring, empathetic and will they be there to do whatever they can to help you? If you don't know this, do not begin a permanent or long-term relationship. It is evitable that sometime down the path of life, you will need a partner to "give" to you in ways they never thought that they could or would have to. These are little tests in life and little tests that should be passed in a relationship.

"In sickness and in health" are simplistic words with great meaning. Heed them.